Now I think I’m finally getting it, so here is my big confession: I fake things all the time.
I’m not ashamed. Faking things, particularly emotions, is a key of good performance. I tend to dance to angry songs; but I’m not really an angry person. It’s a story. I act my part.
Faking things goes way beyond dance though. I fake that I have a plan for my life. I don’t, but I am hopeful that it will be a meaningful and full life.
I fake that I am enough. I never performed in Elevated Art because I thought I was good enough. I just submitted a video and hoped for the best. I tried my hardest, and I still see so many things that could be improved.
No one is ever good enough- the better you get the more critical you become. I overheard Natasha Wang backstage telling someone that she had done the routine several times before and still always had something wrong with it. I assure you that I noticed nothing wrong with her routine. You will never be good enough, whatever that means. Get used to it. Not being good enough is the catalyzing force that makes you work toward bettering yourself. Embrace how much you suck.
But wanting to improve only works if you can also pretend like you are good enough. Otherwise, you become so absorbed in all of your flaws that you aren’t able to gift the world with what you have, what you’ve done, who you are. Own your stage, either in the studio or in your life. Act like you are the shit. Do your best and hope for the best, and force yourself to appreciate how far you’ve come. You have a lot to offer the world. Your job is to not to judge- it’s to give what you have. And to give what you have, you have to fake it. Fake it so well that you almost believe it- that you are enough, that you have something to offer, that your life is going somewhere, that you matter.
In the end, you aren’t really faking it. Nothing you do will be perfect, but if you are doing your best, you will be enough. You do matter.
To read more about emotionality and pole, please click here.
Post edit: I found this a few hours after I posted this blog this morning and it seemed relevant. Enjoy.